My handsome Prince River! Boy it has been a long time again since I have written a blog. Last time was July 16th and to be honest I can't even think of where to start. First of all I can't even begin to describe how I feel about River not being in this world much longer. My heart aches, and the pain goes deeper than I will ever be able to touch or cure because we all know the biggest therapy are kisses from your dog. He has given me trillions of kisses through the years and it is a struggle to come to terms with his illness. He has kidney failure, won't eat and could pass very soon. I really hope with all of my hope that he will pass in his sleep at home before any decisions have to be made, otherwise he will just starve and that it's fair. What also isn't fair is seeing how excited he gets to be home, to see family and just his overall ....I don't know what you would call it, I got this far and I am already crying. I love him so much and after just losing his sister back in December the pain is all too familiar. I can honestly say I never grieve like this towards a human and as awful as that may sound maybe it's because I have no lost someone so very close to me but I will always say that our pets get closer to us than anyone in the world. I know how much he loves us and how much we love him I selfishly do not want him to go but wish he would go on his own instead of having to do it the other way.
Getting a puppy is so exciting and I remember all of the things they used to do. When we first got them they would literally sleep on top of each other, bother and sister, as close as they could get. They would often sleep butt to butt like they were mirror images of each other. The loved to play and they loved to be loved just like any other dog. Rain was very playful, always had the ball in her mouth. Wouldn't matter where the ball was either because as soon as you asked her "where's your ball" she would walk away and return with it in her mouth, tail waggling. She had a darker coat than River, her face was blacker but she was always happy and excited to be outside, my Rain girl, just like River boy. They loved laying on my bed and even when they were full grown would both lay up there together. Sometimes, now more often, I feel guilty for leaving him behind and moving out. Maybe he got sick bc of all the loss in his life, I'm sure dogs can experience the same things as humans, right? Constantly following my Dad around, where ever he went. Sitting by him at the dinner table getting up as soon as he would move his leg. Following him around the yard while he does his yard work too. He is a protector, didn't like anyone but his own family, always made sure he was on the look out for intruders day or night. We always said he would have made an awesome police dog but glad that he ended up in our home.
If I could label anything in my life that is the worst thing to experince it would be a dog leaving the world. I don't know about anyone else and quite frankly don't currently give a shit, but for me, because I am selfish Talia, it hurts, it hurts deep and I could spend days in my bed crying if it were sociologically acceptable to miss work for a week. One thing I am happy about through this whole thing is what an amazing boyfriend I have. I never in my life had someone who cares for me as much as he does, who worries about me like he does, and whom wants to be there for me like no one else has. He too, is losing a pet in Syracuse and I can not even imagine what he is going through not being able to go drive out there and see her. If it was me I would be going every weekend or as often as I could charging gas etc. I love him so much and can't wait to marry this man because selfish Talia wants him all to herself.
Through all this my sister also had major brain surgery. This was tough too, it came out of nowhere. Luckily she is ok and I find myself wanting to be there for her more than I ever have. I have a lot of things going on and I know she needs me too, along with a lot of other friends and family. Seems like we are all going through a lot and dealing with it all in different ways but in the end I need to realize just how beneficial it is to keep people in my life rather than pushing them away so I can be alone. I love being along when I am sad, I don't want anyone to bother me, I just want to lay in my bed and cry. In fact crying in my car and while doing cardio are two very familiar places for me. No one can see me in my car expect people passing by that I will never see again and when I do cardio I really don't care. I have been to that gym long enough to know only a handful of people would even come over just to say hi.
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