It has been almost a month since I have written and that is just way too damn long and I mean how else am I going to talk about my life and share things other than blowing up people's news feeds on facebook twice a day.
First of all Andrew and I are officially living together and let me just say 1 thing. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be living in my Grandparents apartment with my boyfriend I would have fuckin slapped you silly and died with laughter. No way I would have believed it for a minute. Flash forward to now and here I am sitting here waiting for him to get home. Domestic life is ...well..it's not easy. For so long it has been all about me and that will never change (for the most part- lmao) but now I really have to focus on not only making myself happy but making my partner happy and making us as a couple happy. Small arguments will happen and I have to say that, basically, be jealous of my love life because Andrew is a rare breed and he's mine :) I won't get all sappy shit on you but you get the idea, he loves me and he shows me in more ways than anyone ever has and anyone ever will (send me your address for a wedding invite).
I also nailed a new job, sweet right, a new job, where does she work now? A big girl job? Please stop writing like this and tell us you bitch! Big girl job? No. Another serving job? OF COURSE! I work at Cracker Barrel and it is WAY better than my previous job, more money, less drama, less eating of shitty food. Hell, I don't want to be the new girl eating biscuits all day. GROSS
So now that we are finally on the topic of food, which is obviously the only reason I ever write these things, I finally went back to my counselor to get feed back from all of those weird ass tests I did. Did I ever mention these? Playing with blocks, trying to get them to look like the picture, describing words, comparing words, 300 questionnaire on the computer, yeah that crazy shit took 2 hours. So what did they get out of that two hours? That I have bulimia nervosa non purging type. This was a shock to me, I never thought of bulemia as anything else other than someone who binged and then puked that shit up. I alsways thought I had binge eating disorder (B.E.D) and she said she toyed with the idea but those with B.E.D do not use any compensatory behaviors. What the fuck does that mean? Well, once upon a time I would over exercise, sometimes I would under eat, a few times I have fasted by the majority of the time I just restricted my eating, all....the.....time...I really can't believe I am putting this out there for all to read but honestly, I know there has to be someone out there that is going through this and doesn't know how to deal so I am going to let you into my world with treatment.
The first day we talked about how things would go and I am to use a log everyday for writing down what I eat, when, where, if I thought it was excessive if I did anything to compensate and my feelings about it. I have a sheet she printed out for me and I am to do this daily. This doesn't bother me at all since I already track but the added thought process and writing down feelings and things I know will definitely benefit me in a huge way if I do it consistently. I also talked with her about ways to deal with my behaviors when in stressful situations, I get frustrated, annoyed and angry easily and do not always handle it the way a 28 year old adult should. I think most of the time I just react and there are no cognitive actions before hand and so that is why I think this aspect of it is going to help a lot.
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