I have some time before I have to serve the patrons of Applebee's and I figured what better way than to spend this time blogging. Let's go back to yesterday when I woke up, yes I know yesterday is over and I do not really like to stick my head into the past but I need you to understand the series of events that occured as they occured.
7:30am- Something is licking my face. Oh, HI RIVER, no I am not getting up to let you out. I look at the clock and see the time and find it odd that my dad never shut my door. I have to pee. Screw it, I'm going back to bed. Not even 5 minutes later I wake up to the phone ringing and ringing and ringing, WTF. I am not supposed to be rising for another 3 damn hours, I STILL have to pee, FINE. I get up and go to the bathroom noticing that in the kitchen the coffee pot is out but no coffee is made, the tablespoon is hanging out of the filter in the pot. Hmmm...weird.....I think nothing of it and pee and then the phone starts ringing again. I answer it, it's my dad telling me my mom and I better get over to my Aunt's, my grandma isn't going to make it much longer :( Wow...Not a god start to the day :(
7:55am- Get to my Aunts, tons of cars in the road/drive way, get inside and the priest is saying prayers over her. OMG, this is it, I am seriously walking into death, I do not know if I can handle this, but I stay, and cry, and just listen.
9:00am- She is still holding on, the nurse came and checked on her, moved her, made her look more comfortable, for someone who is dying I am not sure how comfortable or uncomfortable you really feel? All of my family is pretty much there, sitting around, chatting. I know I have to work at noon and there are some debates going on in my head about whether or not to call in. If I call in and she doesn't die today will I have a harder time calling in when she actually DOES pass? It really sucks worrying about whether or not I will get written up when a family member is passing but for reals corps are sick (if you have ever worked for one you know what I mean).
10:00am- I decide to go home and get ready for work, better to keep my mind on doing something, making money instead of wallowing alone which is what I have been doing a lot of lately. As soon as I step foot into my car I think to myself of how I do NOT want this to end in me turning to food for yet the 4725789046th time. I will NOT do it because I know what it will do to me and I can't have that shit!
3:00pm- Already out of work and at Glen Falls to do some reading, get some sun and talk to my boyfriend before I hit the gym. I thoroughly enjoyed woring for less than 3 hours, making 50 bucks and being able to still enjoy the hottest time of the day. Yes folks this is why I am still waitressing, not to mention the fact that I am still in school, interning and it makes it a hell of a lot easier to take time off for mini/random vacations, especially to meet soul sisters and support my closer than actual friends through facebook :)
5:15-630- Cardio multi tasked with reading for my Monday class and then a good training session with Brian. I admitted to my binge on Tuesday and I felt my inner dissappointment as he dropped his chin to his chest after telling him about my oreo consumption. The session ended well with praise towards my physical strength and a glimpse into his hopes for my inner strength.
645- The ride home, probably the best part of the day, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, everthing seems so vivid and green. Chris Brown's "Beautiful People" comes on the radio and I am dancing, smiling and loving the moment. In that moment I thought to myself; "this is the real me, here she is, fun, excited about life, living and loving it" Go read the lyrics here: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/chrisbrown/beautifulpeople.html
As in any pop/dance song like this, the words get repeated over and over but the content of them is what means the most, your beauty is inside, don't you know, live your life, it's yours, let it ride.
10:10ish- In my room, facebooking and listening to this song and my mom comes in and tells me she has passed. I feel nothing at first, but then realize I was playing the above song before/right when she came in. I truly believe that this song is my message from her that my beauty is inside that I need to love myself, live my life, to take my time and never let anyone bring me down.
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