Not quite sure what I talked about my last blog. Crap. Hold on, now I have to look. OK so I left off with how I hit rock bottom, I saw a counselor, my boyfriend is amazing and I am meeting with my trainer. Well things have changed since then besdies my boyfriend still being amazing. Somehow, someway he manages to make me fall more in love with him each day. Stop looking at me like that foxy loxy ;)
ok stop. hault all blogging until I calm down from watching Jenna Marbles. Seriously, I want to meet this chick, she is fucking awesome. What caffeine does is the ones I just watched and I swear I couldn't breather because I was laughing so fucking hard. Seriously Ami, I think when I come to Iowa we need to make one of these!! you down?!
Phew. Ok, back at this blog. So people, I met with my new trainer on Sunday and was at the gym with him on Monday and today. I am very thrilled about how this is going to work for me and I basically just need to make my weakest link which is my mind my strongest point. Easy right? nah, not really. I have about a decade of thoughts and habits to undo, fuck it, make it two decades, I mean I was eating at 8, right? Anyways, so far so good and although I still haven't been hooked up with a counselor I have been doing things different on my own. I need to change my mind and that is going to be the hardest part. The biggest thing I am working on right now is not allowing myself to take myself down. I constantly beat myself up for eating bad things and then like the saying goes, stab the rest of my tires because one is flat. Interestingly enough I am not counting calories right now. This was a HUGE shock to me but since I am not competing (yet) I know I am ok with this. I still weigh and measure things but not everything. I can't give up doing it 100% because I know once I get back into prep mode it will be harder. I really just want to eat healthy, get in shape, get the body I know I have under these layers of fat and allow myself to become better not only physically but mentally as well. I have a lot of dreams and aspirations and things I want to do in the fitness world and I can do them but there are some things I need to re learn first to better myself.
I am lucky to have the people around me that I need to keep me on solid ground, to slap me back to reality and help me reach these goals. Especially my soul sister Ami whom I finally get to meet TOMORROW! That's right, I am headed to Iowa, first vacation solo which I am super pumped about and spending it with her is going to make it even better. I have connected with her in a way I never really have with other friends and considering she is so far away I definitely think our paths were meant to cross. We have some serious plans to workout together, cook together, see a competition together and especially looking forward to cheating with her! Sounds soooo dirty, well with slutty brownies it will be!
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