iphone day!

Today was offical iphone day, why must you ask?  Well because myself and two other girls all bought them today, basically at the same time, one right after the other! I frolicked across the floor to where they were with a huge smile on my face, I jumped with joy to my sales guy.  I have been waiting for this day for a LONG time!  Facebook at my fingertips, support groups when I need them, what more could I ask for?

I had an awesome day getting back into this whole non binging mindset.  I am not going to lie though, it was tough.  I woke up feeling so sore and tight.  I feel as if everytime I do this to myself it not only screws me up mentally but physically as well.  I had an awesome hamstring workout but realized that my lower back was REALLY sore, something that never happens DURING a workout but ALWAYS happens for some reason after a binge.  It's horrible, my flexibility is already horrid and this makes it even worse.  I also feel because I am trying to build muscle, and genetically I build it relatively fast in my upper body that I already FEEl bigger, add to it the bloat from a 4 day binge and how can I not be miserable?  I always think to myself; this isn't me, this isn't how I want to feel and why do I continue to self-sabotage?  Ami and I talked about it a little bit today and it seems as if they is what I do.  I find it hard to say no to taking the first bite of foods that I KNOW will cause me to only want more, so I give in and then I feel like I have failed, I feel guilty, ashamed, dissappointed and then at that very moment I inernally throw my hands up and say "fuck it, I will start over again tomorrow"  How though will I learn how to eat all over again if I keep going down this same fucking path?!?  You are right, I will never learn sooo today, I picked myself up again because although I have had many unsuccessful attempts I will ever give up!  I will do what it takes me reach my dreams, figuring it out along the way.

So this morning I made some eggs and coffee and got all of my stuff together for the day.  Had an awesome workout at the gym and then my post workout treat was this...

I know some people will think this shit is crazy and I KNOW once I decide on another show date that I can't have stuff like this but for now this is what I need to try.  yesterday if I wouldn't have eaten some things I knew would take me into the binge zone I would have been fine.  I am looking at this issue/problem as I would with a client of my own, that you have to0 start where they are, that what you did for one person may not work for them and so I need to find out what works for me.  Anyways these are SOOOO fuckin delicious and that was IT.  I didn't crave anything else after that and it is now 8:00pm, I am having my last meal which consisted of some delicious mouthwatering Dinosaur BBQ, some chicken and almonds.  LOVE THOSE NUTS!!  I vow to myself to drink a shit load of water for the rest of the night, go for a walk with my mom, and HOPEFULLY somehow find a way to calm my boyfriend down from his rough day. 

Tomorrow I am nervous about, I have my internship from 8-330 and then working at the Bee until 12.  I am not lifting tomorrow so I am not going to incorporate a post workout treat.  I only plan on doing this post lifting workouts.  I have all the food I need to get me through the day.  My approach is going to be this; cook my breakfast before I leave but don't eat it until I get to my internship so it's not so early considering how late I will be up for!  I am so proud of myself for getting through today..hello water....and hello I PHONE!!